STEAMPUNK5

She moved out and I am scratching my head – wondering, does she know that I’m going through the fallout of emotions and words not said? I am in pain, too. What the hell am I supposed to do? Should I stay or get a divorce? What is the purpose of this torture? Life has purpose.

Why does nothing matter to her? I can’t do anything except wait. And, I am afraid to leave her alone. I feel helpless. Depression is personal. Actually depression is normal. I AM this illness – epitomized from the time I have suckled sour milk from a tit. Memories.

Without purpose, without the chase – we wouldn’t have anything to live for. I am married, yet I feel alone.

She is very, very, very, depressed. This is selfish. Or rather, the mental disease she carries, takes her soul and selfish is the only want she understands. She couldn’t give a shit. I have no one to talk to. She’s far, far away from me. Distant in the next town for months at a time – but comes around, strings of sadness tag along – like a dog teased with empty cans tied to his tail.

She needs me. I look in the mirror at least once a day. I thank god for giving me purpose. I thank God for allowing me to help. She has sunk so deep, I don’t know what she is capable of doing.

Together we have a daughter. I thank God for my life and pray for the strength and psychological stamina to share my experience. My daughter is still too young to be maladjusted. We started to introduce her to God by age 5. When either of us are with Our Daughter, my Corazon,, pray to both the Virgin Mother, and Adonai. I am teaching her the first prayer (and most important) in the Jewish faith. The Shema. She needs to find comfort in prayers, especially at her age when things can’t be explained.