STEAMPUNK24

I don’t dream, so when I meditate, it is the closest thing I have to dreaming. Meditation transcends through time and space. When I meditate I am released from the chains of reality. There is a place I go to when I meditate. It is a breath away.

Meditation extends to the outer realm of belief of all of our small mindfulness minds. I like to call it the lowest level of consciousness. Meditation takes a shit load of practice. I believe that meditation completes me. It is my personal relationship to God. It saved me from spinning out of control. How one meditates – completely without a break of consciousness – is all it takes.

When done right, heaven is a breath away. I am never alone when I meditate.  It is how to converse with God. God has always been in my life. In my mind, when meditating, everyone knows me by my first name and I am surrounded by the people I love and who love me. We are all connected.

I’ve gotten so good, that when I meditate at my finest, at the end of the 30 minutes or so, my brain needs to catch up with my body. I can’t describe it as anything less than a haze of calm. This is the God I visit – under the sedation of meditating.

To be honest, it only makes sense to pray using your unconscious because, God is too massive to contain in one’s own thoughts. I have mastered the ability to meditate using my unconscious to talk to God.

I don’t think I would have passed the first stage of evolution.

According to the majority of studies available, evolution is a fact – determined by an individual’s decision making potential. I live my life, trying to understand the puzzling and reducing ways to less complicate it. Evolution is the art of simplifying. Everything is the art of simplifying.

From our long history of simplifying, what conclusions can be understood? I am writing this down to demonstrate things finally making sense to me. Evolving.

I can only formulate on understanding what works and what doesn’t. This is very important, in order to determine whether I have reached my goals. Sometimes, I don’t even know what my goals are. But, nevertheless I still get there.

Isn’t that the point? If I can argue and disprove something, then it is understood as wrong. End of story.

I am working despite all the challenges I am faced with, adversity. I am a librarian in a prison. I have good days and bad days.

I got my first career break as a prison librarian. I was a lost library science student. I became the professional that I am today after a 2 year dry run working contract jobs in the hopes that my experience would take me somewhere more gratifying.

Let’s be clear about one thing. I didn’t need to try to impress anyone when I got my Bachelors Degree in English Literature. My work speaks for itself. I was quite good at picking apart a notable literary work and critique it with a surgical focus.

However, when I signed up for my Masters Degree, I felt like I was always on the defensive. Beginning with my first class, “Building Electronic Databases,” I was disgraced. I was given a “C” grade when my partners (in our group project) were given an “A.” I single handedly built the electronic database that got my peers the “A.” What a fuckin rip off.

Now mind you, a few things should have prevented me to obtaining my Master’s Degree:

1. If you get below a 3.0 GPA in your first 3 classes, you are automatically get dropped from the program. This never happened because I was a student in a pilot program where “Distant Education,” was the model of the future and it was embraced by the School of Library and Information Science. I had no back up plan so this idea completely freaked me out. In the end, my master’s degree was grandfathered in to my final GPA and the passage of my thesis.
2. I was completely disillusioned by the whole program and I felt out of place. My reality was that I had to communicate my situation to the professors, which automatically put me (and them) on the defensive.  Every semester, I had to defend and justify why I did or did not deserve the grades I needed to continue. I felt like I was fighting for my future.

I didn’t realize that courses offered by my school were grouped together as “recommendations.” I took these courses upon their “recommendation,” and I lost sight of why I wanted this degree so bad. I was wrecked. I didn’t care about the courses I took. I was totally disillusioned about the profession because I wasn’t on their level of “branding the profession,” and I became discouraged. I couldn’t sleep.