I just figured out a large piece of the puzzle. The puzzle, that is stuck on perfectionism, is no more than obsessive/compulsive behavior. It all makes sense. I am rapidly coming undone. I had my last migraine. But let’s see what happens.
Let me entertain you for a minute. I got the J&J COVID booster shoot. This is the shot that I experienced full blown side effects. The first time wasn’t a problem. I was never truly sick and I chalk that up to taking lots of vitamin C. The second event though is a different story. The first day after my booster shot went without any side effects.
The next day, I had a full blown side effects which I felt was worse or the equivalent of the actual COVID variances. The vaccine brought me to experience the symptoms / side effects. Part of my thought I would die from a cerebral aneurism. I was puking, I had cold sweats, I felt feverish, MIGRAINES, but the hardest part, while I was experiencing the worst of the side effects, was not being with my biological family.
You heard me. Can you forgive me, dear reader? I said I was sick and wanted to be close to my family. “Why are you telling us how awful your family is, AND a longing to be with them in your darkest COVID hour?” The migraine must have rattled something loose. I believe it did.
I shed the rose colored glasses I had on for way too long. The wall was torn down, and I could see much further. I am seeing things through the eyes of a new born. I’m reborn for the 3rd time. I marvel at my accomplishments, and obstacles overcome. I am blessed, but I’m not out of the woods. I have a lot to do. This time is different. Or is it?
Even as I write this, I am obsessing to not fall back into the toxic habits that began this journey/experiment. How to obsess while not being in fear of a relapse?
There are no longer any skeletons, hidden in the closet.
I just figured out a large piece of the puzzle. The puzzle, that is stuck on perfectionism, is no more than obsessive/compulsive behavior. It all makes sense. I am rapidly coming undone. I had my last migraine. But let’s see what happens.
Let me entertain you for a minute. I got the J&J COVID booster shoot. This is the shot that I experienced full blown side effects. The first time wasn’t a problem. I was never truly sick and I chalk that up to taking lots of vitamin C. The second event though is a different story. The first day after my booster shot went without any side effects.
The next day, I had a full blown side effects which I felt was worse or the equivalent of the actual COVID variances. The vaccine brought me to experience the symptoms / side effects. Part of my thought I would die from a cerebral aneurism. I was puking, I had cold sweats, I felt feverish, MIGRAINES, but the hardest part, while I was experiencing the worst of the side effects, was not being with my biological family.
You heard me. Can you forgive me, dear reader? I said I was sick and wanted to be close to my family. “Why are you telling us how awful your family is, AND a longing to be with them in your darkest COVID hour?” The migraine must have rattled something loose. I believe it did.
I shed the rose colored glasses I had on for way too long. The wall was torn down, and I could see much further. I am seeing things through the eyes of a new born. I’m reborn for the 3rd time. I marvel at my accomplishments, and obstacles overcome. I am blessed, but I’m not out of the woods. I have a lot to do. This time is different. Or is it?
Even as I write this, I am obsessing to not fall back into the toxic habits that began this journey/experiment. How to obsess while not being in fear of a relapse?
There are no longer any skeletons, hidden in the closet.
THE CHASER'S MANIFESTO 