STEAMPUNK27

Why do I feel like such an epic failure.

I am two steps behind. Hold on, please, I need to catch up.

My daughter was stung by a bee. I didn’t remove the stinger. I was afraid to do something wrong. To cause her too much pain. She doesn’t trust me as it is, and I wonder, why?

They live with my inlaws. For all intents and purposes, people would say that me and my wife are separated. My daughter is home schooled during this COVID environment and it was the only viable option going for her. The small apartment we live in was a bad learning environment. So they moved 15 miles away with my inlaws.

At first, when they moved away, I wanted my space. I thought it was unfair to expect me to stay with my wife and daughter, since they were the ones who wanted to move away. It wasn’t my choice, so why should have to be forced to be the one to live in the same house, until the end of C the school year. It wasn’t until I was tired of the status quo that, I understood that I needed to be with my family, even if I felt like a guest.

It is the fear of pushing my daughter away. I already thought that my mistakes too full and frequent and obsessive. Can I trust my thoughts? If I am not ok with myself, than how can I be ok as a parent, husband, friend.

Am I ok?

My mind is always in motion. A mind in motion, stays in motion.

This I know is true: I write stories. I write my pain, I write for the helpless, I write for you dear reader. I choose to write for me. I am crushed.

My daughter is so special and I know that she loves me, but is it possible that my insecurities bring her to manipulate me? Cut it out, Oliver. Your being stupied.

Fight on. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Fight on!